Poser

I follow quite a few blogs, one of which being a certain scrapbooker. She's recently taken to eating better and exercising and is doing quite well. But lately she's just gotten under my skin. It all started when she mentioned that she was subscribing to Runner's World Magazine. My immediate reaction was, "Oh PLEASE! You've been exercising for what, a few months? And that makes you a runner? Serious enough to subscribe to a magazine FOR RUNNERS? I'm now seriously annoyed with you and your snarky humor."

Then I got  thinking. Why was I so irritated? I started going through all the possibilities. She had been jogging consistently, and someone who runs, regardless of how much, is technically a runner. She's free to subscribe to any magazine she wishes, it's not like I'm paying for it. I'm pretty sure she recycles. And then it hit me...

(Illustration by Steve Mack)

I'm jealous that she is a 'runner'. I want to be a runner. I want to be one of those people with 5K shirts in my drawer, lacing up my shoes every morning to hit the pavement, listening to my "running playlist" on my phone. Running a 5K is something that's on my Bucket List - which seems kind of lame because it's only about 3.5 miles. But when I think about actually achieving it I become paralyzed. I feel like I need more information (because I've forgotten how to run?), like I need to have a specific race all planned out (Because achieving this before I die isn't goal enough?) like I need to feel like I won't be a poser.

Maybe someday soon I'll drop all the excuses and put one foot in front of the other.

No Menu, Just Music

Kind of winging it menu wise this week! So nothing to list!

I have been so inspired by music lately from Amy Grant's new album to this guy who is new to me (And wrote one of my favorite songs, watch the video about it here). My list goes on and on.

For this bright, sunny Monday I'm going to share a little joy. Here is a CUTE video by some fans for a song by JJ Heller - another inspiration!! Enjoy!

Who's been your musical inspiration lately? Find someone new that you love? Please share! I always love finding new tunes!!

My Pregnancy Must-haves This Go Around

After two other pregnancies I'm getting quite skilled in knowing what works for me and what is just a waste. Here are a few things I've found to be necessities for this pregnancy.

1.) Lots of Water. With my other two pregnancies I drank chocolate milk non-stop. This time I can't get enough cold water (no ice please!). The oddest thing is that I drink several glasses before bed, then also keep a reusable water bottle next to my bed that I guzzle from several times a night. Clearly this is not helping with my middle of the night bathroom trips, but I can't help myself!

2.) Men's Tank tops (a.k.a. wifebeaters!) During my second pregnancy, a friend shared her secret of not showing that belly under the shirt - men's tanks! Not only are they longer than women's tanks, but they are SUPER CHEAP and sold in packs! They also work very well for layering even when you aren't pregnant!

3.) Flip flops. I'm cheating a bit here because flip flops are a staple for me every summer. In fact I would wear them year round if I could! But with superhot weather and my feet starting to swell a bit, flip flops have been wonderful!

4.) A bra that FITS. A bit personal here I know, stick with me. I'm blessed in the chest area. Let's just say that the size of my natural  'girls' would leave Heidi Montag drooling for another trip to the plastic surgeon. As the pregnancy goes on, the larger they get. So I attempted to just wrangle them into cheap sports bras as a quick fix. This was a great solution for just staying home, but was not at all flattering. Being pregnant leaves you feeling unattractive enough at times. So I invested in a few good homes for the ladies and all is well.

5.) Stretchy capri pants. (Isn't this picture hilarious! Because this is EXACTLY how I wear my capris! Skin tight and rocking the heels!) Until shorts either a.) are made for women who prefer to keep their hineys covered or b.) include new thighs and a fake butt, I will stick to capris. With all the bending, picking up, running after naked kids I do all day - the stretch is much needed.


Anything you think I'm missing??

Fatherless

Father's Day is a very bittersweet holiday for me. Sweet because I can celebrate what an amazing father my kids have. Bitter because of my own experience with my father. My parents weren't married, so when I came to be, for whatever reason, my father decided not to have anything to do with me. I'd like to think that nearly 30 years on this Earth has taught me that it wasn't about me.  I used to think that I wanted to know exactly what happened. What was said and done that resulted in his decision. And sometimes I'd still like some sort of explanation. But I know that it wouldn't matter. Things happened, choices were made, and that was his decision. I'm sure he thought he did what was best at the time. I often wonder if he regrets that choice.

I once heard Beth Moore talk about scars and how you think that something in life has "scarred" you. But if you poke that scar and still hurts, it's not a scar - it's an open wound, no matter how old it is. As much as I hate it, that relationship (or lack of) is my open wound. And every Father's Day it's poked. And it hurts.

A part of me wants to contact him to let him know how I've turned out. Rub it in his face that I'm happy and have a great marriage and two (almost three) beautiful children that he's missed out on. A part of me feels like he doesn't even deserve to know any of that. And another part of me wants him to know all of that just to see if now, after all I've done, after almost 30 years, if I'm finally worth his love and attention. I hate that he can still bring those feelings up in me. That I allow him to take a confident, loving woman and turn me into a scared little girl dying for attention from her father. And he has NO idea of that wound.

Now that I'm wanting to build my relationship with God I can feel that wound seeping into my thoughts and feelings about Him. My view of what a father is has been tainted - so how am I suppose to trust God the Father to take care of me if my own biological father didn't want to? How can I trust Him if I could never trust my own father? What makes me think I am worthy of His love if I was never worthy of my father's love?

I haven't spoken to my father in over ten years (after a couple awkward visits while I was in college). And I probably won't contact him again. I don't think I'll ever get what I need from him - an apology, an explanation. So I push it back and pray that someday that wound will heal.

"...his name is the LORD—and rejoice before him. 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. "

Psalm 68

Baby, I'm Amazed!

Yesterday the whole family went in with me for my second ultrasound. Since the first was so early, we had to have a second just to check she had all her bits and pieces now that she's more developed. Riley was interested for a good portion, but Brenna could have cared less. I'm pretty sure she had no idea what we  were trying to get her to look at - I'm not even sure she understands that I'm having another baby!

   After checking everything with the 2-D ultrasound, the technician brought out the big guns and got us some pictures with the 3-D. We were just AMAZED at the detail! We think she looks a like my son, but time will tell! We even got to watch her play with her hands (mostly try to eat them) and open her mouth. The technician put that little clip on the disc...

I've watched that clip over and over. Such a simple thing, but so precious! Here are a few more pictures.

This last profile picture is my favorite. You can see that her little ear isn't completely formed yet (which is normal!). It just amazes me and reminds me that we all start out as this little beautiful ball of clay to be shaped into who we are.

"...We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."                                  Isaiah 64:8

What a Brother Does

Last night when I told Riley to get his pajamas out, he brought back a pair for Brenna. I thanked him and told him it was a very nice thing to do. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Hey, a brother does what a brother does."

Amen brother. Amen.

Menu Plan Monday

We recently joined Sam's Club and I got an amazing deal on boneless, skinless chicken breasts ($1.97 a pound!) so I had plenty left over from last week's grocery shopping. I picked up some hamburgers (for dinner Sunday night) fresh fruit and veggies and saved a TON on our grocery bill this week! I was worried that we would over spend when we went to Sam's, but so far we've done really well at still staying within our budget. With that being said I really am not too sure what we'll be doing for dinners exactly! Here's a tentative menu...

Monday - Crockpot chicken with carrots and potatoes (like roast but with chicken instead of beef)

Tuesday - Chicken Bacon Ranch sandwiches

Wednesday - Shredded Chicken Taco Salads

Thursday - Asian Chicken (Chicken marinated in Kraft Asian Toasted Sesame Dressing

Friday - Grilled Chicken and baked potatoes

Stuff I've Made - Sew and Tell

    Pregnancy insomnia has done this momma some good! I used those wee hours of quiet to finish up a few quick projects that have been looming in my cabinet and to-do list.

First are some nursing pads. I LOVE the nursing pads from Lansinoh. The are thin enough so that it's not blatantly obvious that you're wearing them, but still absorb a TON. Which is important, especially in those early days when the plumbing is still finding it's groove. But they are pretty pricey! So I took some leftover flannel, fleece and a waterproof mattress pad we used on Riley's bed, sandwiched them together and made some nursing pads! I'll wear these while at home, then save my precious Lansinoh pads for when we leave the house. Which isn't very often. :-)

Next up is my Bible cover. My Bible is pretty old, I've had it for at least ten years. So I wanted something to help protect it, hold all the notes and bulletins from church and had handles to make it easier to carry. I bought this fabric a while ago and couldn't decide what to do with it...apron? skirt? toaster cover? I thought it was perfect for a Bible cover so whipped one up!

It even has a nifty pocket on the inside.

(Not sure why the picture is sideways, but I'm too lazy to fix it.) :)

Last but certainly not least are some cloth blocks. I've seen a few other bloggers (Like Rachel) make them and wanted to give them a try. They are bigger than I thought they would be, so I may cut the rest of them down a bit. So far they are being used as things for the kids (And the hubs!) to throw at each other. Since they are soft, I'm okay with that!

  So there are my sew and tell projects! What have you been up to?

22! Are you serious?!

Today I am 22 weeks pregnant. 22! Over half way there! In 15 weeks I could possibly be holding my new smooshy baby (I tend to pop them out a little on the early side.)  It just seems so crazy to me. Even though the baby has been VERY active, I still can't believe I'm going to have a third baby. I feel like at any moment the doctor's office could call and tell me this has all been some big prank. Ashton Kutcher will show up at the next ultrasound to tell me I've been Punk'd.

Mixed with the disbelief is anxiety. How am I going to do it? A preschooler, a toddler and a new baby. I'm really trying to slow down and remember that the chaos will not last forever. We'll find a new routine/chaos  to fall into.

But mostly I just can't wait. No idea what we are naming her. Not sure where exactly she'll sleep. I have no idea what we still need to be 'ready' for her. But I can't wait to hold her, watch her newborn expressions, smell that sweet baby smell and even spend those quiet moments in the middle of the night when we're both exhausted, but it's just us two. Can. Not. Wait.

Scream-Free Wisdom

I get daily tips from the ScreamFree Parenting website. I really liked this one and thought it would be helpful to all my mommy friends who read!

"Rest satisfied with doing well, and leave others to talk about you as they please."

                                                                        - Pythagoras (582 BC-50 BC)

   Parenting Tip:

             I once read a comment by an author about human behavior. He noted how horses never looked sad and birds never looked overwhelmed. He said that it was because they don't care what the other horses and birds think of them.

Some people think that being a strong parent means "putting kids in their place" very loudly or physically. But being ScreamFree is a totally different way of thinking. You are probably going to get strange looks and a few raised eyebrows now and again from others when your child flips out and you handle things calmly. So what? Chances are, those raised eyebrows are caused by surprise rather than judgement. But even if they aren't, that doesn't matter. What matters is your relationship with your child and your own integrity. Never compromise those in an effort to appease someone else.

- Jenny Runkel Director of Content for The ScreamFree Institute

I loved this. As I said in my previous post, I've been pretty grouchy lately. And when I'm grouchy, I yell. I hate it. It doesn't get the results I want and makes both me and the kids feel like crap. My next order from Amazon.com will include this book! Being a more peaceful momma sounds pretty good to me.

              

Menu Plan Monday & Grouchy Ladybugs

I have not been in the best of moods lately. Lack of sleep and high standards I place on myself (and then miserably fail at) make for one crabby mom. I absolutely love this post from Moms In Need of Mercy about The Crouchy Ladybug and have been reading it frequently.

Here's what's for dinner this week...simple, easy and mostly grilled/slow cooked foods!

Monday - Chicken, Broccoli, Parmesan Pasta

Tuesday - Cheesey Chili Soup 

Wednesday - Chicken Lo Mein

Thursday - Beef Kabobs

Friday - Homemade Pizza and Breadsticks