Progress, Not Perfection

It was late afternoon. That twilight period between school and dinner when everyone seems to lose their minds. I had just ended a maddening 45 minute phone call with a company that claimed I hadn't paid my bill when my bank account proved otherwise. The older two were picking at each other and Grace was screaming. (Grace loves to shriek. How do you correct that? We've tried saying, "NO!" in a stern voice, but then she just looks at you and shrieks a bit quieter.)

I headed to the kitchen to get the 400th cup of chocolate milk of the day, my mind swirling. Finances. Shrieking kids. Dirty floors. Dinner. Dishes. I was drowning.

As I turned to place the milk jug on the counter I spotted something out of the corner of my eye. The heavens opened up, angels began to sing, and I saw it. My lifesaver.

The zucchini bread I had made last night. There was still a little over quarter of the loaf left. Sweet and moist with plump little raisins. It wasn't a HUGE chunk. I could eat the rest, no big deal. I was so frustrated, stressed. I deserved to give myself a break.

Two weeks ago I absolutely would have eaten the whole thing and not thought about it - not even really realized it. This time a little voice stopped me saying, "You deserve better than this."

I would like to be able to say I resisted completely, but I did have a small slice. I wanted more. Oh Lord, did I want to run back into the kitchen and eat more. But I knew I wasn't hungry. I knew I was eating because I was stressed. And I knew this had to stop somewhere.

Progress.

Freedom

Ready for the first day.

Brenna started preschool on Monday, so both of my older kids are in school three days out of the week. (She only goes to school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday). This has left me with just Grace and a small amount of free-time. And it's weird. And quiet.

I have visions of being uber productive on these days. But so far all I've managed to do is play with Grace and catch up on the shows that are accumulating on the DVR. Maybe eventually the novelty will wear off and I'll actually get things done.

Or not.

What do you do with your spare time?

Maybe This Time

I've never made my struggle with my weight a secret. Well, it's hard for me to call it a struggle. For the most part, I don't feel overweight. But I am.

I've always (wrongly) associated losing weight with vanity. And I've tried to "rise above" that. There is so much more to me than my weight. I'm smart. Funny. Kind. But now it's beyond just having a smaller waistline.

It seems that this Mighty B has some mighty high cholesterol. Triglycerides to be exact. I'm still a little confused about the difference between all the different types of cholesterol, but one thing is for sure. My lack of exercise, poor diet and extra weight have put me at a higher risk for heart disease.

I'm making another attempt to start good habits. I've done this many, many times before and obviously never stuck with it. But it's different this time. It has to be different this time. 

So my dear bloggy friends, I am making this my "secret-public" journal.  I want to hold myself accountable in a more public way. I want to write more and I certainly have a lot to say about this journey. And I just feel like it's a story worth telling. 

I'm not sure what exactly I'll write. Will I tell my weight? (Probably) Will I share my "before" pictures? (Most likely) Will I share my successes, failures, frustrations and triumphs? (Abso-friggin'-lutely). I hope it's entertaining and maybe even inspiring. 

Cheer me on, won't you?

Back to School : Week One

Week one of my Back-To-School effort is over! How am I doing so far?

• English/Literature - I'm over half-way through To Kill A Mockingbird. I can't really remember if I read  this in high school. I vaguely remember parts but most of it seems brand new. I really love it so far! As far as the other book, To The Last Man, I picked it up at the library, thumbed through it, and decided I am not reading it. I'm sure it's a good book, but it's SO long and kind of dry. I will never stay awake long enough to get anything out of it.  As far as the three blog posts a week...well, it's only Wednesday, right?
• Home Ec - I have the dress nearly finished.
• Physical Education - I've attended TWO Zumba classes! Wow, what a workout!
• "Foreign" Language - I have 39/50 down pretty well. Here is a list of what I know so far. (I didn't count the alphabet!) 
• Math - Thanks to a website called Math Is Fun, I re-learned this! 
• Science -I found a great sale on laundry detergent, so this may be put off for a while.
• History - Haven't even really started. 

By the end of week 2 I'd like to have an idea of what next month's "lesson plan" will be. Any suggestions? What have you learned lately? 

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.
                                                             - Henry Ford

Back To School!

Everyone in my household is going to school this fall and I have to admit I'm jealous! I loved school and hope I pass that love along to my kids. It's important to me that they know that you never have to stop learning, so I decided to send myself back to school. I'm going to try and learn something new (or refresh my memory on something I learned long ago) each month.

With the exception of the English/Literature, I'm pretty confident that each of these "assignments" can be completed in an afternoon or less. This is crucial because I obviously still have three kids, a husband, and a household to run! I want to challenge myself, but not set myself up to fail.

Riley started first grade today, so I'm giving myself until September 15th to complete the following list:

English/Literature - Read To Kill A Mockingbird & To The Last Man (This ties into my history study, but it's over 600 pages long. I'm going to do my best to read this one!), Blog three times a week
Home Ec. - Finish a simple dress for Brenna (Extra Credit - Finish Pajama Pants for Riley!)
Physical Education - Attend a Zumba class
"Foreign" Language - Learn 50 words in sign language (Learning sign language is on my bucket list and will also help me teach Grace different ways to communicate.)
Math - Study adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing fractions
Science - Make homemade laundry detergent
History - Study the events of WWI.


What would you like to learn? Join me going back to school! Leave me a comment and let me know what you'll be studying.