The Great Debate

I'm so done. And I felt super guilty about it.

With my other two kids, I breastfed until around 6 months and then it just got to be too much. I was working full-time, pumping was hard, etc. So when I got pregnant with Grace, I resolved to breastfeed as long as possible. A year! 18 months! 6 years! Okay, I never once considered six years, but my commitment was there. So around month 6 when we were still going strong I felt empowered. I am super mom hear me roar! And then it went on and on and on... Here we are at almost 10 months and I'm done. My supply has gone way down and frankly I'm just tired of it. So I took the plunge and decided to start weaning. But first I had to buy formula.

This was not an option, but I wish it was! Japan makes the cutest baby formula.

I would stand in the formula aisle and stare at all of the tubs trying to decide which one would be best. The Similac? The Gerber with it's coupons burning a hole in my binder? The Enfamil that mocks me with it's label reading "breast milk is best!" I would finally give up and march off emtpy handed. I was convinced that by giving Gracie formula, I was robbing her of the essential nutrients she needed to survive. Who knew what medical issues would be resolved with the power of my magical breast milk?!

(Please refrain from writing to me to tell me I'm ridiculous. Trust me, I know. I have the secret ability to give myself epic guilt trips and work myself into a frenzy of ridiculousness. It's one of the very few flaws I have *ahem* and I'm working on it.)

But I had to put my own feelings aside. I wasn't producing as much, so Grace wasn't getting enough from me. She wasn't learning to hold a bottle and for some babies that's no big deal. But for Grace, since she doesn't consistenly use her left hand, it's something I had to keep at the top of the list. By allowing her to use a bottle, it would help her learn to use a cup. And the thought of nursing AND pumping so we'd have enough for bottle feeding made me want to crawl into the corner and lie (lay?) in the fetal position until she was old enough for college. So after weighing the pros and cons and some simple straight talk from a friend (thanks Megan!) I knew I had to commit to weaning her. And we're all doing just fine with that.

*Update - I wrote this about two weeks ago and things have gone downhill from here. Grace is now REFUSING to drink formula. A nurse friend of mine laughed when I mentioned I was worried about not producing enough. Gracie's chubby leg rolls apparently mean everything is just fine. So we are kind of back to square one!*