Sew and Tell Friday

This week I did something very simple - but has already gotten a lot of use!

Beanbags!

I just sewed two pieces of fabric together, filled with dried split peas and there you have it! I used masking tape to 'draw' boxes on the floor and had the kids try and toss them from behind a line. The smaller the square, the more points they got! Simple, cheap and entertaining - my kind of fun!

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

The other day while sitting in church, my mind began to wander (not paying attention during church! Blasphemy! But wait, the sinning doesn't end there...). You hear all of these messages on how life is so different when you "find Jesus". Songs have lyrics that describe a life of despair and darkness until one decides to believe - "I once was lost but now I'm found". People in jail turning their lives of sin over to God, addicts trust God to release them from their addictions...it can go on and on. I started to think, how is my life so different? I've never commited any crimes (speeding does not count). I have no life-destroying addictions. Life wasn't too shabby before I started to want to know God more and I couldn't see any revolutionary changes happening in my life now. I basically started thinking, "What's in it for me?" In the words of Janet (Miss Jackson if you're nasty) - Jesus? What have you done for me late-ly? (Cue musical interlude...)



Now clearly there is the whole "eternal salvation" thing, which I'm into. I appreciate being saved from the firey pits of Hell as much as the next person.  But like most of Americans I want some immediate gratification! Can I get some blessings served up in here? With a side of that land of milk and honey? (But instead of the milk and honey can I get Dove chocolate and Vanilla Coke?) I'm not all that screwed up - so pour it on Jesus! What are you waiting for?

This past week I've been gently reminded of the things he's already done for me late-ly. My biggest 'ah-ha' moment came while reading the book The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. Here's what Craig had to say,

To the Christian Atheist, the holy God of the universe is quietly transformed into a cosmic soda machine. If we give enough money, or pray the right prayer, or live the right way, God must deliver and do what we ask.

He later goes on to describe the implications of this 'polluted theology'...

"I tried religion, but it didn't make me happy. I went to church and it didn't make my life any better. God didn't help me have a better life, so either he failed me or he's not real. Either way, I'm not interested."

So basically, it's not all about me. (always a hard lesson to learn!) God is not here to serve me. I am here to serve him. Now I just need to determine how to do that...

Sew and Tell Friday

Stuff I've made - both the outfit and the girl wearing it. (But not the white belly shirt my son is wearing...)

  What have you been up to?

Poser

I follow quite a few blogs, one of which being a certain scrapbooker. She's recently taken to eating better and exercising and is doing quite well. But lately she's just gotten under my skin. It all started when she mentioned that she was subscribing to Runner's World Magazine. My immediate reaction was, "Oh PLEASE! You've been exercising for what, a few months? And that makes you a runner? Serious enough to subscribe to a magazine FOR RUNNERS? I'm now seriously annoyed with you and your snarky humor."

Then I got  thinking. Why was I so irritated? I started going through all the possibilities. She had been jogging consistently, and someone who runs, regardless of how much, is technically a runner. She's free to subscribe to any magazine she wishes, it's not like I'm paying for it. I'm pretty sure she recycles. And then it hit me...

(Illustration by Steve Mack)

I'm jealous that she is a 'runner'. I want to be a runner. I want to be one of those people with 5K shirts in my drawer, lacing up my shoes every morning to hit the pavement, listening to my "running playlist" on my phone. Running a 5K is something that's on my Bucket List - which seems kind of lame because it's only about 3.5 miles. But when I think about actually achieving it I become paralyzed. I feel like I need more information (because I've forgotten how to run?), like I need to have a specific race all planned out (Because achieving this before I die isn't goal enough?) like I need to feel like I won't be a poser.

Maybe someday soon I'll drop all the excuses and put one foot in front of the other.

No Menu, Just Music

Kind of winging it menu wise this week! So nothing to list!

I have been so inspired by music lately from Amy Grant's new album to this guy who is new to me (And wrote one of my favorite songs, watch the video about it here). My list goes on and on.

For this bright, sunny Monday I'm going to share a little joy. Here is a CUTE video by some fans for a song by JJ Heller - another inspiration!! Enjoy!

Who's been your musical inspiration lately? Find someone new that you love? Please share! I always love finding new tunes!!

My Pregnancy Must-haves This Go Around

After two other pregnancies I'm getting quite skilled in knowing what works for me and what is just a waste. Here are a few things I've found to be necessities for this pregnancy.

1.) Lots of Water. With my other two pregnancies I drank chocolate milk non-stop. This time I can't get enough cold water (no ice please!). The oddest thing is that I drink several glasses before bed, then also keep a reusable water bottle next to my bed that I guzzle from several times a night. Clearly this is not helping with my middle of the night bathroom trips, but I can't help myself!

2.) Men's Tank tops (a.k.a. wifebeaters!) During my second pregnancy, a friend shared her secret of not showing that belly under the shirt - men's tanks! Not only are they longer than women's tanks, but they are SUPER CHEAP and sold in packs! They also work very well for layering even when you aren't pregnant!

3.) Flip flops. I'm cheating a bit here because flip flops are a staple for me every summer. In fact I would wear them year round if I could! But with superhot weather and my feet starting to swell a bit, flip flops have been wonderful!

4.) A bra that FITS. A bit personal here I know, stick with me. I'm blessed in the chest area. Let's just say that the size of my natural  'girls' would leave Heidi Montag drooling for another trip to the plastic surgeon. As the pregnancy goes on, the larger they get. So I attempted to just wrangle them into cheap sports bras as a quick fix. This was a great solution for just staying home, but was not at all flattering. Being pregnant leaves you feeling unattractive enough at times. So I invested in a few good homes for the ladies and all is well.

5.) Stretchy capri pants. (Isn't this picture hilarious! Because this is EXACTLY how I wear my capris! Skin tight and rocking the heels!) Until shorts either a.) are made for women who prefer to keep their hineys covered or b.) include new thighs and a fake butt, I will stick to capris. With all the bending, picking up, running after naked kids I do all day - the stretch is much needed.


Anything you think I'm missing??

Fatherless

Father's Day is a very bittersweet holiday for me. Sweet because I can celebrate what an amazing father my kids have. Bitter because of my own experience with my father. My parents weren't married, so when I came to be, for whatever reason, my father decided not to have anything to do with me. I'd like to think that nearly 30 years on this Earth has taught me that it wasn't about me.  I used to think that I wanted to know exactly what happened. What was said and done that resulted in his decision. And sometimes I'd still like some sort of explanation. But I know that it wouldn't matter. Things happened, choices were made, and that was his decision. I'm sure he thought he did what was best at the time. I often wonder if he regrets that choice.

I once heard Beth Moore talk about scars and how you think that something in life has "scarred" you. But if you poke that scar and still hurts, it's not a scar - it's an open wound, no matter how old it is. As much as I hate it, that relationship (or lack of) is my open wound. And every Father's Day it's poked. And it hurts.

A part of me wants to contact him to let him know how I've turned out. Rub it in his face that I'm happy and have a great marriage and two (almost three) beautiful children that he's missed out on. A part of me feels like he doesn't even deserve to know any of that. And another part of me wants him to know all of that just to see if now, after all I've done, after almost 30 years, if I'm finally worth his love and attention. I hate that he can still bring those feelings up in me. That I allow him to take a confident, loving woman and turn me into a scared little girl dying for attention from her father. And he has NO idea of that wound.

Now that I'm wanting to build my relationship with God I can feel that wound seeping into my thoughts and feelings about Him. My view of what a father is has been tainted - so how am I suppose to trust God the Father to take care of me if my own biological father didn't want to? How can I trust Him if I could never trust my own father? What makes me think I am worthy of His love if I was never worthy of my father's love?

I haven't spoken to my father in over ten years (after a couple awkward visits while I was in college). And I probably won't contact him again. I don't think I'll ever get what I need from him - an apology, an explanation. So I push it back and pray that someday that wound will heal.

"...his name is the LORD—and rejoice before him. 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. "

Psalm 68