Four Months

I've determined that my babies just keep getting cuter with each one I have. My other two were cute, but Grace is by far the cutest. (Of course I'm sure I felt the same way about them at this age too!)

Developmentally she's doing really well and doesn't have any delays (besides her vision, but hang tight - we'll get to that). She has some "tendencies" that we are working on with First Steps, she still likes to turn her head to the left and likes to keep her left hand in a fist. She can open it and grab things with it - she just chooses not to! So we work with a physical therapist once a week.

Gracie went to the NICU follow up clinic and played with an occupational therapist and a speech therapist. (I thought it was weird that they would have a speech therapist see someone who can't talk, but it was really neat to watch her get different responses out of Grace). Everyone at the clinic was wonderful. They were open and honest about Grace's development and, more importantly, listened to my every concern. I told everyone we came in contact with about our concern with her eyes and they agreed that something should be done. They advised us to see an opthamologist to check the health of her eyes and get an idea of what's going on.

We were referred to a local opthamologist that has a lot of experience with premature babies. After dialating her eyes, shining all kinds of lights in them, and looking at her through all sorts of prisms, he determined that she has optic nerve atrophy. The fluid in her brain before birth put so much pressure on her optic nerves that it damaged them. The damage is permanent. She does have some vision in both eyes, but we won't know how much until she is older. It could be as little as having problems passing a driving test or as much as being legally blind. For right now, we are putting a patch on alternating eyes for 30 minutes everyday to determine which eye is stronger. Her eyes aren't working together yet, so we also work with her on tracking toys to help her out. We go back in a month to check on her progress and see what our next steps will be.

I can't get over how incredibly lucky we've been. If her condition hadn't been caught as early as it was, she would have been blind, if she had survived birth at all. And while I try to count every single blessing and miracle that has been a part of her life so far, I still want to throw a tantrum sometimes. It's not fair. At this age, she should be recognizing our faces and sometimes I'm not even sure if she can SEE our faces. She's so beautiful and so happy and deserves to be 'normal'. Everyone thinks their child is special, but no one really wants their child to be "special".

 I know it could be so much worse, believe me I do. And I also know that Grace doesn't deserve a mom who is going to act like a whiny toddler. So I dry my eyes, suck it up and put the focus back on her. And she is amazing.

Post Theme Song: "Just the Way You Are"  by Bruno Mars