Gracie's hair is s-l-o-w-l-y growing back from her surgery. Her rainbow shaped scar is faint, but still noticeable. Since her head is so small, you can see the outline of the shunt.
I want to be proud of her scar. To leave it uncovered and have it seen as a badge of honor. Something that says, "Look at how tiny my baby is! And she's had major surgery on her brain. Isn't she amazing?" And a big part of me does feel that way. I can't believe all that she's been through and her life has barely begun.
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| Grace - two days after surgery. |
But I'm also self-conscious about it. I want people to look at Grace and think, "Aww, she's so cute!" not, "Hey, what's wrong with that baby?". I feel like when people hear "hydrocephalus" they automatically think, "Oh water on the brain. Poor girl. She'll be slow. Won't be normal."
Maybe no one thinks that. Maybe I'm just bringing my own insecurities and putting them on her. I'm so afraid that because of her 'condition', people will judge her without giving her a chance. And it turns out that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm getting defensive over something that I have no reason to be defensive about.
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| Gracie - a few days after having the stitches removed. |
I pray that as she grows I gain the ability to get over myself. That I raise her to know that she is strong, smart and capable of anything. That someday when she's being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, an Oscar, or Heisman Trophy she can stand up and say, "I never knew I was suppose to have limitations. No one ever told me."
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| Grace today. 10/20/2010 |
I am amazed how well she has healed!! I can only imagine the anger/frustration of people looking at your baby thinking she's different but what a miracle and a gift she really is!!
ReplyDeleteIf only all mommy's were that protective! I can personally say that she is a beautifully perfect baby that outwardly displays that she is one of God's soldiers! God has a perfect plan for her and He has marked her! I can't even imagine your feelings about the looks and whispers... You should have seen how mad I was when people would call my girls boys even when they wore dresses just because they were bald! People have and always will say the most inappropriate things but know this- Grace is the most outward display of God's grace that I have seen in a while. The perfect miracle that she is has renewed my faith in a way that I can't describe! Especially in the medical field where it is easy to get caught up in the statistics and outcomes. Never again will I think never because it is not up to doctors and insurance... God is more powerful than anything! Keep your chin up!
ReplyDelete"Heal the wound, but leave the scar"...there's a Point of Grace song by that title that I just love. I have a couple rather large scars on my shoulder from my car accident back in 2003 and I used to be VERY self-conscious, but now I'm proud of them!! It's part of my story...and I know it will be the same for Grace. There's a line in the song that says..."Heal the would but leave the scar, a reminder of how merciful YOU are"...that really speaks to me! It just shows how this life isn't perfect, but GOD is and no matter what we go through, recognizing his 'grace' and mercy is all powerful and will get us through anything! I just wanted to share that with you!! Hope it gives you some encouragement!
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Nicole (Tocco)
Wow! That's healing really well! I'm sure with your help and God's help, Grace will grow up strong and able to do anything she puts her mind to. :) She's a beautiful baby!
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